gala

through the years

bulong ni puso...minsan walang magawa si utak

Masusukat ba ang lalim ng pag-mamahal  tulad ng dagat?  Mauunawaan ban g isip ng tao ang bulong ng puso? Maipapaliwanag ba ang saya na dulot ng pag-mamahal? Mahiwaga ang pintig at tibok  ng puso. Di kayang ipaliwanag maski na ang pinakamatalinong tao samundo. Minsan kailangan mo na lang magpatianod sa agos ng pagmamahal. Di alintana kung ikaw man ay masaktan.

Sabi nila, nakapwesto ang utak na mas mataas kaysa sa puso. Ang utak daw ang mas nakakaalam kung ano ang mas tama. Ngunit sa maraming pagkakataon, bakit puso ang nananaig. Bakit ang bulong ng puso and mas umiiral kaysa sa dikta ng isip? Nakakatawa pero totoo… sa maraming oras,maski ang utak ng taoay nagiging bobo at nagiging sunud-sunuran sa puso.

Masarap ang magmahal. Mapagpalaya sa isipan. Kakaiba ang tuwa na nararanasan ng taong nag-mamahal at minamahal. Kaygaan ng bawat hakbang. Ang bawat sandali ay may dulot na ngiti sa labi. Ang bawat oras ay parang isang buhay na panaginip…puno ng saya, tigib ng ngiti.

Ngunit di sa lahat ng pagkakataonay tama ang bulong ng puso. Minsan, mali ang napipili nating mahalin. Umaasa tayo sa isang imposibleng bagay…na mahalin na taong minamahal. Mabigat sa dibdib, masukal sa kalooban… mapait na karanasan. Ang sugat na maaring idulot nito sa ating puso ay mag-iiwan ng marka… ng pilat na mag-papaalala sa ating kabiguan. Luha ang kapalit ng kabiguan… minsan buhay ang nasisira ng dahil dito.

Maging masaya man tayo o mabigo ng dahil sa bulong ng puso.  Di dapat yun maging batayan ng ating bukas. Patuloy na pakingganang bulong nito…ngunit isa-alang-alang din ang dikta ng isipan.  Sa huli, anuman ang ating magiging pasya… tayo ang haharap sa magiging bunga nito. Masarapmagmahal kahit paminsanminsan ito ay nakakasakit.

GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN

Those tender hands that took care of us…

Hands that I long to hold…

Those smiles that lit my younger years…

Smile that use to warm up those nights that so cold…

Now they are all gone…

Those foods that made my mouth to water…

Linger in my mind up to now…

The love she poured unto me and to other…

It made me happy at times when I am low…

Now they are all gone…

A granny, a mother, a kin and a friend...

A woman with great love for her to lend…

An angel that gone to go to heaven…

Up there she will start her story that she will pen…

Gone forever but will never be forgotten…

Her memories will always be here in my heart…

Thank you for the love and for the lessons that I learned…

Without you, my Lola, I will never be what I am today…

I LOVE HER

Call me pathetic, hopeless romantic, corny or names you can imagine. But I admit, I am indeed a pathetic. I am a great believer of one great love, “the one who got away”. For me being loved and loving in return is the greatest act of life. Each one of us is destined to have one great love for your special one.

I had been infatuated, I had loved, been loved and the sort. But for the very first time in my life, I have this very strong emotion that I had never felt before. I never thought that I will have this feeling towards her. At first, she was only a friend to me. As the days passed, the emotion started to grow, occupying the every space of my heart, till it entirely dominated my whole world. I tried to suppress it. At first I thought I succeeded, only to know that it only grew more.

I considered her as my “invader”. She invaded my heart and my mind. She is in my dreams. She dominated my whole damn life. She owns me but the sad part is she never knew what I feel. I am afraid to let her know fearing the worst that could possibly happen. Staring at her or even her photos became way of my life. I secretly watched her everyday wishing that someday I can keep her in my arms, wishing that I can spend the rest of my life with her. I love her… I don’t know why. I love her and that is only what I know. I love her and that what matter most.

I am praying that someday I can let her know what is inside my heart, to say the unspoken love of mine. But for now, I am just here… loving her in secret.

Salamat sa Joyride ng 2011

Akalain mo, 365 days na naman pala ang lumipas. Isang taon na naman ng mga ala-ala ang naipon natin. Hamak mo, ilang beses ba tayong kinabagan ng dahil sa mga halakhak at tawanan sa tuwing may kasiyahan tayo o nagkakatuwaan? Ilang panyo ba ang nabasa natin ng luha ngayon taon? Ilang bandehado ban g pagkain ang naubos natin sa mga simpleng kainan at foodtrip? Ilang case ng beer at bote ng alak ang naubos natin? Hayyyy hirap bilangin ano… pero sarap balik balikan lahat ng mga iyon… mga simple tambay, maghapong galaan, harutan, biruan, pikunan, tampuhan, away at kung anu-ano pa. Buti na lang kasama ko kayo noong 2011.

Pero bago ako mag-ggodbye kiss kay 2011 at salubungin ng ngiti si 2012… eh gusto ko muna magpasalamat sa BIG 10 OF MY 2011….

Unahin natin ang mga taong di naniwala sa kakayanan ko… nanmaliit sa akin, pinagdudahan ang aking pagkatao…inalipusta ako at in short mga umaway sa akin… salamat kasi ng dahil sa inyo… lalo akong tumibay. Natuto akong lumaban at natutong harapin ang mga pagsubok. Nakakatuwa nga eh… kasi sabi nila, di raw pupukulin ang puno kumg hindi ito hitik sa bunga… so alam ko na ibig sabihin nun.

Salamat din sa mga taong nakasama ko sa HACP at PCLA, lalo na kila Ana, Andrea, Bogz, Hannah, Saren, Mawin, Joshane, Kenneth, Hans, Eca, Keith, Shean, Shammah, Milky, Generome at Sarjie…Salamat kasi, pinadama nyo sa akin na mahalaga ako sa inyo. Kayo ay bahagi na ng buhay ko at din a mawawala sa puso ko.

Syempre makakalimutan ko ba ang mga parents na naniwala sa akin. Kay Ate Mhel na kahit kelan hindi ako binitawan, tnx dahil sayo nakilala ko at naranasan ko yung gift of music ni Kenneth, ditto lang po ako lagi para sa inyo. Kay Ate Cel, na kapatid ni espren Sam, salamat sa pagsuporta. Kay Ate Myrna, salamat pos a tiwala at salamat maski alam ko na hindi iba sa inyo ang nakabangga ko, pero di kayo nawalan ng tiwala sa akin.

Sa mg kasamahan at mga kaibigan ko sa Fusion, specially kay JC, Jil, Juliet at Joy, salamat kasi kayo yung kasama ko lagi at nagging dahilan kung bakit nakapag-adjust ako sa bago kong environment. Syempre pasasalamatan ko din ang favorite TL ko si Judoy, maski masungit yan, okz na okz yan.

Sa mga high school friends ko, Eduard, Ginalyn, Mariane, Hilda, Dominic at Batch 2001. Thanks kasi maski 10 years na ang lumipas eh hindi pa rin kayo nakakalimot. Kita kita na lang tayo sa reunion.

Sa Li Family, Tita Rose, Cham, Sherwin, Jam, Stevee at Claudine. Thanks at tinanggap nyo ako as part of your family. Salamat sa lahat ng mga pinagsamahan natin. Dito lang ako as your kuya.

Sa mga superfriends ko, kay Sam at Ann, salamat sa suporta at loyalty. Sana magtagal pa yung friendship natin hanggang sa mga matatanda na tayo.

Sa family ko…salamat sa pagmamahal at suporta. Sa Tatay ko, na maski bungangero ay mahal na mahal ako, sa Kuya ko na maski pasaway ay napakamaaalalahanin, sa Ate ko na very supportive, sa mga pamangkin ko na ubod na mga likot, mahal ko kayo. Teka…kay Carlos Adrian pala…maski di tayo magkadugo… higit pa sa kapatid ang turing ko sayo…salamat at tinuring mo ako na kuya. Welcome ka lagi sa bahay.

Kay “”baby” alam mo naman na mahal na mahal kita at lagi kang nasa puso ko. Kaw lang ang babae sa buhay ko sana tandaan mo yan.

At syempre kay Daddy God, salamat sa mga blessings at sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Sana po i-guide nyo pa po ako sa 2012.

2012 na mga peepz!!! Salamat sa joyride ng 2011. Sana makasama ko pa kayo sa byahe ng aking buhay ngayong 2012…

moving on...

Moving on from this point of my life. I am battered from a company that I thought real. Once again, I am a failure. I am a loser. I tried to be good to them, but I failed to please them. I tried to be nice, to be a friend who can they count on. Yes, I became one, but they failed to realize that I was.

Moving from a shattered promises. I am wounded by the hurtful reality that I may be never be a good friend to anyone. I can never be appreciated. No one can accept me for who I am. What they are expecting from me is a person I cannot imagine that I can be.

Moving forward away from this part of my life. I want to be free from these feelings. Feelings of neglect, unwanted and not capable to be loved. All my life, I am always been a failure. All I want is to be appreciated for being me and not for what they are expecting me to be.

I love myself. I always want to trust myself. But even me, sometimes refused to do so. I am losing to my self grip. I started to believe on myself lesser and lesser. At times, I refused to believe in my dreams. I want the time to momentarily to stop.

There were times when I consider killing myself. I thought it will end the emptiness within me. But I come to realize that there is greater than death. That is acceptance. I have to accept that fate is moving in my life. I have to accept that this is me, far from what they are expecting what I am.

As the hands of the clock begin to move for my life again, I learned what my true worth is and at last I finally found the corner of my sky. I can now move on….

makapag-post lang

I am far from being perfect. I am just a simple guy with great dreams. The problem??? I don’t know where to begin. I love life. I love to be with my friends. I love to love and to be loved. If there is one thing I really want to do is to spend the rest of my lives with the girl of my dreams. But I haven’t found her yet. She’s so much elusive…hahaha but someday I will going to find you.

ganito ako noon...heto ako ngayon...paano na bukas?

Masaya pala na kahit paminsanminsan ay babalikan mo yung dati mong mga ginagawa. Kahit papaano nakakawala ng mga pagod at mga problema sa kasalukuyan mong buhay. Minsan akala mo, sa patuloy mong paglalakbay sa buhay ay kailangan ka lang na nakatanaw sa bukas…di natin alam na kailangan paminsan minsan eh lumingon tayo sa nakalipas.

Nayong araw na ito, may tatlong bagay akong napagtanto tungkol sa kahapon. Tatlong bagay na kailangn kong isaisip sa pagtanaw ko sa bukas. Una, mula sa mga pangyayari sa kahapon, natutuo tayong harapin ang hamon ng buhay. Di natin kakayanin na makipagsabayan sa gulo at bilis ng takbo ng mundo kung di tayo nagsimula sa pagkatuto…at tayo ay natuto sa mga pangyayari sa kahapon. Minsan, nagiging mapagmalaki tayo at di natin kinikilala ang nagging bahagi ng kahapon sa kung ano tayo at anong mero tayo ngayon.

Pangalawa kong napagtanto na kailanman ay di mo mapaghihiwalay ang ugnayan ng kahapon, ngayon at bukas. Ang nakaraan mo ay ang kinabukasan mo. Kailangan mong tapusin bukas kung ano ang sinimulan mo kahapon. Di mo maabot ang mga pangarap mo bukas kung di ka nagsimulang mangarap kahapon. Tanggapin natin sa sarili natin na tayong lahat ay nagsisimula sa baba, gaya ng isang maghapon na nagsisimula sa bukangliwayway at magtatapos sa mapayapang hating-gabi. Gulo ano? Pero kung pipilitin mong intindihin…mapagtatanto mo na ang buhay ay isang pagpapatuloy ng mga nasimulan hanggang ito ay sa wakas ay matapos mo din.

Pangatlo kong natutunan ay ang pagpapahalaga sa mga taong naging bahagi ng iyong kahapon, sila man ay nagging mabuti sayo o nagdulot sayo ng pighati. Ang mga taong nagging pasakit sayo nung nakaraan ay siyang mga naging dahilan kung bakit ka matatag ngayon at lumalaban. Sila ang naging dahilan kung bakit di mo na inaalintana ang mga pagsubok ng buhay. Sa mga mapagkutya nilang mga dila, natutunan mo ang mapagkumbaba at mapagmatyag sa sarili mong mga salita at mga kilos. Ang mga tao naman na naging kaibigan mo at nagmahal sayo ay nagdulot sayo ng kalambutan ng puso. Sila ang nagturo sayo na magmahal at tumingin sa positibong aspeto ng buhay. Ang mga kaibigan na magiging gabay mo sa patuloy na paglalakbay…at alam mo na lumaban ka man at matalo at masaktan…may bukas palad na tatanggap ulit sayo at hindi ka itatakwil…kahit kelan.

Nasa gitna ako ng isang paglalakbay sa isang masalimuot na daan ng buhay. Nakatanaw ako lampas sa kinabukasan, ngunit di ko pwedeng kalimutan na lumingon sa kahapon. Doon masasalamin ko ang aking mga pagkakamali at unti-unit…lahat ng mga ito ay akin ng maitatama.

Kuya's Utol

Blood is thicker than water. Yah, they’re right! But for me, it is not all the times. Sometimes, water is as thick as blood. Confused with my simile? Believe me!

When I was a little tyke, I always wanted to have younger brother. Someone who I can share all my pains, my thoughts, my dreams, my angst, my loneliness and my happiness. Someone who I can buy a cone of ice cream or a bar of chocolate. Someone who will call me kuya not because I am older but because of the attachment that we both shared. I’ve waited for a very long time but my family situation doesn't permitted me to have one. It was a disappointment for me.

But it was recently when something happened to me. Someone had crossed my path and changed my life. Never had I imagined that I can have a younger brother of my own. Though we’re not biologically siblings but we’re far more than that. Something in him made me understand the true meaning of friendship. In his simple dreams I learned the way of simplicity and to appreciate every little things that are happening to me. Indeed he brought great joy to my heart. I don’t know but there is something that keeps us bonded together. There is no other explanation why we find ourselves treating each other as kins. Maybe the simple reason is we are destined to be brothers.

As I count my blessings that I had received this few weeks, I counted him as the most important one. Too bad, it is too late before I found him. But that doesn’t matter anymore, what important is we can still have plenty of time to catch up. I can still be a good “kuya” to my “utol”.

Now, who can argue when I say water is as thick as blood? I told you it is true! Being brothers is not in blood but it is in the heart.

your mine and i am yours

thank you for coming into my life... for being always there fo me... i hope that this thing will last...

i will not promise my life because it can be perished all i can give you is my eternity... for in it, i can still love you even after my death...

i love you bhez...

...i miss you...

I'm smiling... but I don't mean it. I miss how we used to be... I miss how it was so real we cared each other without end… but most of all I miss you being there telling me that everything will be okay because I need that now more than ever. I am sick of feeling like something’s missing.

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1.03.01

Losing the "Us"

Twelve minutes before midnight and yet I am still awake. Thoughts keep flooding my mind and things keep popping in my head. Worst is, the truth that you’re not here by my side keeps me from sleeping.

I don’t know why things between us gone wrong. All I know is that I am deeply in love with you. You said you love me too but your acts say you never love me. You said you care for me but it is the other way round. You are stabbing my heart and breaking it into pieces. Your love is the air that I breathe and yet you took it away from me and it kills me silently.

All I want is you to love me back. All I am asking for is you stay here by my side and be my lady for the rest of our lives. We are never like this before. I am longing for our old days. The old days when we are so in love with each other. The old days when we paint each other’s world red. I miss the days when we only knew about our love and we never think of what other people may say to us.

But where are we now? Gone all the happy days that we had. My heart is bleeding and worst it is broken into parts. Isn’t there any chance that we can mend what is already broken? Isn’t there any way where we can still make up the differences that we have. I am so down without you. I am helpless and hopeless. All I know is that I can’t live without your love.

The agony inside me keeps on pushing me into the darkness. From here, I do not know where I am going to. From here, I do not know what I am going to do. It really hurts me but I have to accept that you had gone and live your own life away from me. Though it is hard, I have to live also my own life away from you. I never imagined life this before but I have to learn things without you.

I hope someday, the wounds will heal. I hope someday the pain will stop. And when that day will come, it is the day that I can say that the love is over and I finally lost the “us”.