from blue to red

Twists are part of my life. But not all that moments brought good things to me. But the most unexpected thing that ever happened to me was the time when the persons that I thought my friends put me down and dumped me, and worst kicked my damn ass into hell. I was miserable at that time. I thought bad things about my self. My morale and self-esteem were very low. I tried to get trust from my friends, but most of them turned their back on me. I was caught in the middle of nothingness. I was in blue.

But, just like my fave song “Rainbow” said, “There is always rainbow after the rain”. Haha, I realized that I have to move on and prove them wrong. Little by little, I got back my confidence. I began to see the brighter side of my life. My family and my friends who remained by my side were source of my energy. I visited lot of places and reflected from the experience that I gained. I try to understand the meaning of life in the middle of continuous battle. I learned to love my self and to be happy on what I have. I found peace within myself. I found happiness out from loneliness. Then suddenly, another twist came into my life, “out of blue paint, I painted my world red”.

look through my eyes

special thanks to andeng who made this great banner

hahahaha, she made my charming eyes look more striking

My Home

I was born in Ilocos Norte and was raised and spent my first five years of school in Bulacan. When my father decided to try his luck in Middle East, we had no choice but to move to my grandma in Uson, Masbate. At first, I was very disappointed, I don’t want to leave Bulacan and to start another life in far flung rural area in Masbate. I was only 10 years old at that time. I cried a lot when I first heard of that news. Leaving Baliuag for me was leaving my friends behind and the memories of my childhood.

It was summer in the year 1995 when I first set my feet on the ground of Masbate. What laid in my eyes were my worst expectations, no TV channels, frequent brownouts, dialect that I didn’t understand and living with my strict grandma. It was hell beyond my expectation.

My first couple of weeks in Uson was misery for me. I felt that I was out of place when I am with a group because I do not know what they are talking about because they keep chatting using the local dialect Masbateño. At first day of school, it was just like I was in the middle of a police interrogation because my classmate kept bombarding me with silly questions. But as days passed, things had change. I was able to learn the local dialects and started to befriend my classmates.

Though I got hard times on my first days, but I was wrong with my first impression. I found my most cherished friends in Uson. In that place, I discovered so many things about myself. Living with my people in Masbate was a life changing experience. I learned a lot from them. In their simple way of life, I learned the complexity of life. I got to know the root of my existence.

Living in Masbate gave me the chance to meet some of most important persons in my life. My most favorite teacher in my whole damn life was my class adviser when I was Grade VI, Ma’am Vilma. I was very impressed on her. She was very good in her craft. Thanks to her because she was the one who encouraged and honed me to become a writer. She was the one who coached me when I won my first inter-school academic competition. She is a great inspiration to me.

I was also able to meet my friends in Masbate. Among them are my best buddies, Eduard, Angelo, Dan and Biboy. I also met a good friends like Lorelie, Sharon, Ave, Ginalyn, Carmen, Mariane, Ivy, Bhel, Marlo, Rey and Jesser. Each one of them had great contribution on my personal growth.

Uson, also had a great part on my education. It was lucky for me to be able to spent my secondary years in that “rural” area, because if not, maybe I was one of those students who spent their time in an entertainment hub brought by urbanization rather that attending their classes. I experienced the life of a vistanian. Though it was only a small school, but I learned a lot from my alma mater. I graduated, though without honor because of my tardiness, but I was the very first Vista Editor in Chief who hailed from Panisijan.

Shortly after graduation, I returned to Bulacan to pursue my tertiary education, but the feeling was very different. When I was a little tyke I don’t want to leave Bulacan, but that very time, there was pain in my heart when I left Masbate. I really wanted to continue my studies in Masbate but my father wanted me to be with them. But even I am in Bulacan, I continued to live the standard of being Masbateño and I am proud of it.

Maybe someday, when I am old, I want to spend my last remaining years in Masbate. I want to live there and visit the places and remember the days I endear. I am going to tell my children that once there was a little boy who hate to live in that place but eventually learned to consider Masbate as his home.

people who wished me a happy birthday

1. Tatay -- the best tatay in the world
2. Kuya -- hahaha ang kuya kong topakin
3. Ate -- ang ate kong makulit
4. Eduard -- best buddy
5. Hilda -- ex ni eduard hahaha na good friend/relative ko
6. Tita Liz -- business partner
7. Jane -- close friend
8. Kuya Bhong -- bf ni jeng na friend ko rin
9. Aizel -- co teacher ko dati at close friend ko
10. Strelle -- friend ko sa oceana
11. Gemma -- friend ko sa oceana
12. Kuya Rox -- katrabaho ko
13. Kuya Onie -- katrabaho ko
14. Windy -- dati kong student na habulin “daw” ng mga boys
15. Eva -- ex
16. Analyn -- dati kong student
17. Saren -- si bunso
18. Mae-ann -- dati kong student
19. Kathlyn -- relative
20. Ate Mil -- katrabaho
21. Kare -- close friend
22. Rey-ann -- childhood friend
23. Jossah -- si bogz
24. Andrea -- prinsesa raw sya hahahaha
25. Desiree -- friend ko sa oceana
26. Tenessee -- friend ko sa oceana
27. Grace -- si gara
28. Hannah -- ang cute na matulis
29. Jossie -- friend ko sa oceana
30. Jerica -- dati kong student
31. Marilyn -- dati kong student
32. Francis -- SK Chairman Kiko
33. Jemarie -- dati kong student
34. Pamela -- dati kong student
35. Jessie Marie -- dati kong student
36. Mariz -- friend ko sa oceana
37. Raquel -- dati kong student
38. Daisy -- college classmate
39. Jenny -- childhood friend
40. Chester -- friend ko sa oceana
41. Jesusa -- student ko dati
42. Rhea -- co-teacher ko dati
43. Dhey -- co-teacher ko dati
44. Regie -- kabagang ko
45. Maybelliene -- dati kong student
    

birthday gift

Tomorrow, September 19, is a special day. Know why? It’s my birthday. Well another year for me. I am getting one year older once again. But it’s just like ordinary day for me. Tomorrow, I will wake up in the morning, I will greet myself, then will receive greetings from my family and my friends, the usual stuff.

But I am dreaming of a perfect birthday for me. A perfect birthday for me is to see my family living happily. I do not want great riches but I want to give them a convenient life. It is also a bonus if I can be with my old friends. A simple life is a great birthday gift for me, a quite life where I can live without pretensions and far from prying eyes and judgmental people.

Yeah I wish I could have that. Maybe someday I can have it.

making difference

They say that there is no permanent in this world except changes. All things, people and circumstances tend to change. You expect it or not, it will happen. But changes can be meaningful if it is done with a consultation with your greatest mentor, your experiences.

We tend to disregard the past events in our life and its impact and how it influenced our personal growth. We repeatedly commit big mistakes that we promised not to do again. Though imperfection is part of us as human, but still it is not reason to act immature. If we can only master the lessons from mistakes and tragedy of life then we can make great changes for this world.

We only pass this world once, no second chance, no rewind. Live the most of your life. Switch your habit to morally upright one. Try to reach other people. Touch more lives. Living a fruitful life is inviting more individuals to be part of you and you being part of them. Life is too short, spend it fruitfully. Though you will never please everybody, but at least you try to make them please with you.

Changes, will never hurt you, but changes can make a difference. If you will start now, then maybe, tomorrow you can be truly proud of yourself.

...bakit ako naging astig...

Sa persepsyon ng nakararami, ang pagiging isang astig ay makikita kung paano ka pumorma at kung paano ka maging cool sa paningin ng ibang tao. Ang iba tinitingnan nila ang pagiging astig ng isang tao sa mga bagay na inaakala nilang magiging kabuuan ng kanilang pagkatao. Astig ka kung marunong kang magpalabas ng usok ng sigarilyo mula sa ilong mo, o kaya naman kung nasa uso ang cellphone mo. Cool ka kung alam mo kung paano makipagsabayan ng inom sa mga sunog baga, o kaya naman kung nagbibilang ka ng napasagot na babae o napaikot na lalake. Sa iba naman, sa mga medyo sosi, cool ka pag may modelo ka “four wheels” o kaya mga hi-tech na mga gadgets. Kung babae ka, astig pag prada ang bag mo, signature ang damit at suki ka ni Ricky Reyes. Sa lalake naman, cool kung may condom ka sa wallet, para masabi ng mga kabarkada mo na di ka na virgin. Astig ka pag ang suot mo ay imported at signature brand. Hanep din ang dating kung may tsikot o kaya motor pag papasok ka sa school with matching shade maski umuulan. Iba ang dating mo kapag di ka nasisindak ng mga teacher. O kaya naman, cool kapag lagi ka sa mall, nakatambay lagi sa starbucks, gumugimik sa “the embassy” at laman ng mga gigs. Wow pare cool!

Pero, kung sa paningin ng iba ay astig ang mga bagay na iyon parang may mali. Ang astig ay tagalong slang na ibig sabihin ay tigas, ikinukumpara ito sa tatag at tigas ng kalooban. Di bam as magandang sabihin na astig ang isang tao kung nalagpasan at nalalagpasan n gang bawat yugto ng kanyang buhay ng maykatatagan kahit gaano ito kahirap at kagulo. Kung tinawag kang astig at puro luho at pagkilala lamang ang nakukuha mo dahil sa mga bagay na hindi mo naman pinaghirapan, ano ang saysay ng katatagan ng loob? Nasaan ang tigas ng dibdib?

Mas cool pa ang mga batang nagbabanat ng buto at pinandidirihan ng karamihan dahil sa dungis nila. Dahil sa kanilang kamusmusan, nalaman nila ang tunay na laro at ikot ng buhay. Mahirap ang kanilang ginagawa, pero kinakaya nila at hinaharap nila. Kaawa-awa silang tingnan dahil ninakaw sa kanila ang kanilang pagiging musmos. Pero mas mabuti pa sila, natututo sila. Di sila tulad ng mga mapanghamak na tinedyer na walang ginawa kundi ang manglustay ng per na pinaghirapan ng mga magulang nila. Mas nakakaawa sila kaysa sa mga astig na batang nagbabanat ng buto.

Ako, masasabi ko, astig ako. Tiyak, natatawa ka sa sinabi ko. Makapal na kung makapal na ang mukha pero uulitin ko at paninindigan ko, astig ako, cool ako. Baka itanong nyo sa akin, kung ayos ba ang porma ko, kung may wheels ba ako at kung ano ang tatak ng mga damit ko, ay naku, di ko na sasagutin at tyak, sisimangot lang kayo.

Pero, ako ang magtatanong sa inyo, naranasan nyo ba ang mga hirap na naranasan ko? Pinagdaanan nyo ba ang mga kabiguan na dumating sa akin? O di kaya, nasadlak nab a kayo sa matinding kalungkutan at ang hindi ka angkinin o kilalanin bilang ikaw? Sasabihin nyo, ang drama ko, pero yan ang katotohanan sa aking buhay. Marami akong pinagdaan at nalagpasan ko ang mga iyon. Marami pang pagsubok ang darating sa akin pero kakayanin ko. Pinatatag ng panahon ang kalooban ko at buong pagkato ko. Astig ako dahil kinaya ko yun lahat.

Naiiba ang kwento ng aking buhay kaysa sa karaniwan. Parang nasa pelikula at teleserye. Malungkot na masaya, pero lahat pinagpapasalamat ko dahil iyon ang bumuo sa aking pagkatao. Ang nagturo sa puso kong magmahal at magpatawad. Minsan, naiinggit ako sa ibang tao dahil sa iba ang nagging takbo ng kanilang kwento, pero sabi ko, bakit gugustuhin ko ang maging iba, eh ako ito at naiiba ako sa lahat.

Sa dami ng nangyari sa akin, din a ako basta-basta mapapasuko. Kinaya ko na ang mga hirap at kakayanin ko pang ang mga darating. Astig ako, hindi dahil, maporma ako at hi-tech ang mga gadgets ko, pero dahil matatag ako at lalo pang tumatatag. May kumontra man dun, wala na akong pakialam, basta para sa akin astig ako, cool!